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If,
and this is one great big IF,
Shirley McLane and 600 million Hindus are right
(and we are reincarnated into anything other than
melons)
then I want to apply to Celestial Employment, Inc.
to come back next time in the Deity tax bracket.
I mean, I'm not asking all that
much.
I would be perfectly happy
as a minor Deity,
like Lord of the Wizzmoppers
so that every time someone misses their aim
and hits a floor or wall
they would be compelled to drop to their knees and
proclaim
"Hail to Eirean Almighty, Purveyor
of Disinfectant and Windex."
Yeah, I would make an excellent
minor Deity,
but I'd make an even better
Lord God of all
Creation!
It's not that hard of a
job
Do you think God
has ever scrubbed a holy toilet bowl,
washed a sacred dish,
mopped up angelic puke?
I don't think there's a blessed
File-a-Fax with
Mass earthquake in
Calcutta, Thursday.
Create animal more messed up than Platypus, Friday.
Golf with Sammy Davis Jr. and John the Baptist,
Saturday,
Tee time @ 4p.
If there's any real work to be
done, like
healing the sick
curing the blind
splitting the Red Sea or
dying on the cross
I'd send my Ted Nugent look-alike
son,
there's more where he came from.
Didn't you know,
the convent system was set up as a dating service.
What better pickup line is there than,
"What's your sign, I'm God."
There's a number of choices in this town alone.
Of course she has to be
chaste,
virtuous,
moral,
D cup
and willing to on the first date.
Now,
if I've got to kick my heels up on the Righteous Desk
there are going to be some changes.
All angels will look like Jeanine
Garofalo.
Rush Limbaugh will be a migrant worker,
so he will know what he's talking about.
Susan Powter and Richard Simmons will have glandular
defects,
like all those poor souls they rip off.
I would blow up Kansas just cause I
could.
Make a continent completely out of sausage.
Make Congress work for a living,
strike them all down with disabilities,
have them lose their jobs,
and then see
how up they really are for the abolition of
welfare.
And I would make all our angry
tribes realize
that if we just treat each other like we want to be
treated
we wouldn't have to look to God for justice.
And we wouldn't have to look
longingly to heaven for comfort.
Because we would already be
there.
Copyright, EPB, 1995
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